On several occasions, I have asked people to lead prayer, and I often hear the response: “I can’t pray” or “I don’t know how to pray.” When I encourage them by saying, “Just speak to God as if you were speaking to me, only on our behalf,” some still struggle to accept that they can communicate with God. Many people find prayer difficult, whether in public or private. It becomes even more challenging when we attempt quiet prayer. Even when we try, it is hard to sustain the momentum. We experience dryness, distraction, or feel God is far away. Yet it is only through prayer that we enjoy a relationship with God, are strengthened in hope, and grow in faith.
Prayer is often understood as lifting our hearts and minds to God. But St. Teresa of Avila knew firsthand how challenging this could be. For about eighteen years, she struggled in prayer. She admits that during meditation, she was often anxious and wished the time would pass quickly (Life, 8:7). At times, she wanted to give up prayer altogether, believing she was unworthy because of her sins (Life, 7:11). For her, prayer was often dry, empty, and unproductive. Yet Teresa, who would later become a Doctor of the Church, was not afraid to acknowledge her struggles. In doing so, she reflects our own experience and reassures us that struggle is part of the journey.
Eventually, Teresa discovered the “key.” What once felt like an endless distraction became something natural and even joyful. She could spend long hours in prayer without noticing the time. Through her perseverance, she not only grew personally but also left us a wealth of wisdom on prayer. Her teachings, initially written for her Carmelite sisters, now guide all Christians.
Determined Determination
The turning point was not a sudden miracle, but what she called “determined determination” – the choice to persevere (Way of Perfection, 21:2). For Teresa, this meant cultivating patience, fidelity, and the courage to remain in prayer despite trials or feelings of unworthiness. It meant looking at God, not at herself. This shift moved her from thinking much to loving much. She discovered that prayer is not about eloquence or mental effort but about love and perseverance.
Her famous definition reflects this: “Prayer, in my opinion, is nothing else than an intimate sharing between friends; it means taking time frequently to be alone with Him who we know loves us” (Life, 8:5). Prayer is friendship with God – a loving presence, not a performance (Interior Castle, Fourth Mansions, 1:7). Prayer is not measured by feelings or eloquence, but by faithful love. Even if our thoughts wander, choosing to remain before God is the key.
Why Teresa’s Struggle Brings Us Hope
Teresa’s perseverance gives us hope. If she endured nearly twenty years of dryness and distraction and still became a saint and prayer guide, then our struggles are not failures but steps towards a closer relationship with God. Prayer is not about many words or devotions but about love and inner friendship. Friendship does not always need words. Sometimes God simply wants us to sit in silence, where He speaks beyond words.
Even when we feel nothing, we can recall how friendship works: we do not always need to speak to enjoy a friend’s presence. Simply being together strengthens the bond. In the same way, silent presence before God is prayer.
A Struggle That Mirrors Our Own
Teresa’s struggles mirror ours. She lived in turbulent 16th-century Spain, marked by political unrest and suspicion of interior prayer. She could easily have made excuses to neglect prayer, yet she did not. She persevered, sought guidance, and pressed forward. Her journey shows movement through stages of prayer: from vocal prayer (words), to meditation (memory and intellect), to contemplation (resting in God, where the soul is passive). Each stage brought challenges, but also growth.
Our world too is turbulent – filled with distractions of technology, work, studies, and constant noise. Silence feels nearly impossible. Teresa reminds us that these challenges are not failures but invitations to grow.
Struggling Faithfully
Like Teresa, many of us find it hard to sit in prayer for even a few minutes without distraction. We might become frustrated and give up. But her example teaches that perseverance bears fruit. God values faithfulness more than fleeting feelings. The call is to struggle faithfully – to keep showing up, trusting that God works beneath the surface.
Conclusion: A Light of Hope
St. Teresa’s struggle offers us a light. Far from excluding her from God, her struggles became the very path of holiness. Prayer is not about perfection but about love; not about ease but about perseverance.
Her honesty and perseverance give us hope. If Teresa could grow into a saint through nearly two decades of dryness, then our struggles in prayer are not failures but invitations to deeper union with God.
When prayer is hard, Teresa encourages us: do not give up. Sit before God as before a friend. Persevere with determined determination. And trust that the One who loves us is always present – transforming our weakness into strength, our dryness into hope.
Fr. Jerome Ituah, OCD
